Just finish work trial, and I m a little down. I know I m good and I can prove that I m good plus I m sure I can fulfills the requirements but when the boss just didn't treat me in a way that I deserve, I just can't help to feel that my self esteem is hurt n I can't do anything cos she got the money n she has the power.

stress

recently alot of stress which i really dunno where it come from... some from my friends around, my parents and work plus from myself as well. the feeling that everyone around me think that i m independent and strong enough to take all the hard work and pressure make me really down... y should i handle all the things, y not others? y should i pay for my brother's luxury stuff even though i'm working now? how about my bills? who will help me to pay it? y is me? y everyone thinks that i m rich? i've to save for my future studies, my trip and possibly my car so that i can return to my parents... y being the eldest in the family have to carry all the responsibilities? when my brothers will oso be more considerate and helping a little? i'm tired... sometime it's jz so tired to live... i'm really getting more and more unhappy

everything is not goin smoothly, i wonder am i goin to bad luck till the end of the yr? dunno y recently hav a feeling to please ppl around me... i dun do tis at all in the past, who do i care, as long as i din hurt anyone physically and mentally, i never care wat others think abt me... but y now is different? tis causing me more n more unhappy, i feel like i have lost myself...

helping hand

when i need some1, i will always only have myself... no one to count on. some ppl are lucky enough to always have a helping hand aside then where's mine? a relationship that not greet by ppl around, she probably thinks that i m playing wif this relationship but i'm serious to try to make it work out.. y not give everyone a chance? everyone only has themself, mayb is time to move out from surrounding friends

每一次见面后，我的心情都会有很多的起伏。有很多很复杂的情感涌上来，可是我却说不出那些是什么感觉。

我告诉你，在初一时，传闻说你喜欢我，你说不是传闻，我呆了一下，我问什么，你说不是传闻，是事实。我心动了。我说，可是那时的我是不信的，因为我觉得班上那么多人，凭什么会喜欢我。他说，应该要让我相信的，他也不知道为什么，就是喜欢我。我说，我总是害怕也许如果我当真了，然后会被他们嘲笑，觉得他们会玩弄我的感情。

我那时候脱口而出的为什么不再坚持久一点，并不是要特别表达什么。只是说着说着，也不知道怎样说到那儿。我只是在想如果你再坚持一下，我们是不是就会有机会更加知道彼此？

我做不到在喜欢一个人时，嫁给另一个人。可是你在我生命里是非常特别的那个。很多事情，我是想倾诉的，可是却没办法和好朋友说。就是想说，可是看到比如说韦霖时，却又说不出口，也不知从何说起。

你说你从初一就喜欢我，说不出任何原因。一直到现在都喜欢我，看到我会高兴。我问你，你会想要忘记吗？你说，如果忘了，你会很伤心。你说，看到我你会很高兴。


你待我已诚，我也用真诚来回应你。

The movies and series that remind me the past

Recently, on my way back from work, as usual my brain just wandering around and some flashback suddenly just caught me. Some movies or series will always remind me the peoples that I have truly loved before. Zk and me have shared some very good memories along with CSI and Big Bang Theory series. We would cook dinner then watch CSI together. And even with those bloody scene in the drama doesn't affected our appetite at all. And sometimes we will have sex after watching it which is kind of weird as none of the part of the series actually arousing...  And with Big Bang Theories, we just love each and every part of it.

With Zisan, he is the one that brought me to the world of movies, introduce me those classic, legendary, and first-rate movies. Black Hawk Down, 雪狼湖... We used to share thoughts about those movies, somethings that can only be feel but not able to describe. When I was young, the world was exciting, adventurous and bright to me, I was still very naieve and hadn't experience much pain, sadness and regret. But now after all those years have passed by, most of the time I rather watch something easy, relax and happy movies even though they will be easily forgotten.

So with Jiqi, there may be not too much to be unforgettable but most are happy and warm feelings