我常對在珀斯的顧客說珀斯是我第二個家，我對那裏的一切不說瞭如指掌，可是已經有相當的了解。住屋的轉角處有我喜愛的咖啡店，行駛 15 分鐘便有雜貨店，各類食材也能輕易找到。常去光顧的餐館，相熟的書店，常常給我驚喜的精品店，定時拜訪的茶葉店，他們已成為了我生活中的一部分。回到吉隆坡，這個陌生又熟悉的發展中城市，悶熱的氣候，時有陣雨。市中心充塞著高樓大廈，名副其實的鋼鐵森林，繁忙的道路，人人衣冠楚楚，步伐緊張。讓我不禁懷念起珀斯的明朗天氣，太陽高掛在上，伴著朵朵棉花般雲層，種種顏色也越發鮮亮起來，深深淺淺的單一顏色也可以一一分辨。珀斯地廣人稀，他的高速公路筆直平坦，往郊外行駛時便能使人心胸開懷，瞬間便沈浸在度假的喜悅中。吉隆坡常常籠罩在灰濛濛的天氣中，煙霾猖狂，所有的事物彷彿蒙上一層紗，縱有藍天白雲，也免不了給人一種陰沈的感覺，周圍的房屋都被生命力旺盛的苔蘚侵略，不得不共存。他就好像一幅運用暈染手法的畫，所有的顏色不分明，有種莫名的曖昧感。

我覺得很受傷。。。他們不喜歡积琪，我早已知道。這一次的家庭聚會我也沒有很想叫他去，但是為什麼如果連 jack 的女友，她也能很高興地叫他去，當我問要不要叫积琪時，她那一副為難嫌棄的樣子？就不曾為我稍稍想過，文豪和清秀一起去，jack 和 nicky, 卻單單叫我自己赴約？原來這就是所謂的愛惜女兒？做他們的女兒若會丟人現眼，應該就讓我最好不要在眾人前出現，免得丟了他們的臉。若我現在所有的一切一切都不是社會標準所能接受的，他們真的還會愛我嗎？做他們的女兒 幸福愉快的日子如此稀少，難過孤單的日子那麼多，為這樣的父母退讓那麼多，值得嗎？會被珍惜嗎？我也不過是他們門面上的一朵花，只是拿來炫耀。。。

這場盛會恕我沒能力出席了，他們一家和睦，我這終就會成為外人的女兒還是不要插足的好，省得被人嫌棄恥笑。我不會在那個日子工作，但是我會獨自一個人找一間高級餐廳，好好享受一個人的時光，省得在那帶著面具食不下咽。多麼像從前的我從孜善的歌唱初賽逃開一樣，為了他並不是為我歌唱的緣故，而遠遠避開那場面，對我來說是一種背叛。

Recently, end of September, a surprise guest showed up at my working place and we got to sit down and have lunch together. He said I am getting slimmer than the last time he met me and he joked and said did my dad starved me. I asked him did he joked this way with all his exes? He said No, cause he is not close them anymore. We sat in a Japanese restaurant and ordered some food to share. We chatted about our work, future plans, about his holiday to Japan. He asked me about my love life, and I told him that someone ask me to commit and to love him back. I said he seems like asking for something that I no longer have. I asked " What is love? How do I know whether I love someone? " He replied Baidu have all answers about it, such a silly reply. I said you will know right if you truly love a person... I talked about I couldn't love anymore as I am getting older and older and people hardly able to fall in love anymore. It was a nice lunch and nice catch up, I can see he is changing to be a better person. Maybe its a shame to let him go but I am not regret as I have always wanted someone that has strong body that will be able to lift me up. 

When I came home, a thought lingering in my mind. How does it feel like to see someone that you used to love deeply talking about her love life and the main character in the story is not you? If he really as he said I am the only girl that he loves and ever loves, I wonder how would it feel like when we talk about my love story?