生为双子座的苦恼

有时候，我想逃得远远的，独自一个人到没有人认识我的地方，没有牵绊地生活，无需对任何人负责，也没有任何顾虑。我想逃离既定的轨迹，放肆一回，挥霍生命，在还没太迟之前。

有时候，我想安定下来，看清未来的方向，将就身边刚好出现的那个人， 结婚生子，规规矩矩地生活，为柴米油盐而奔波。 看着身边的友人寻到了人生的伴侣，羡慕之余也会疑问，为何这样肯定呢？曾经，我下定决心，选择了你，虽然我心底知道，以你在感情上犹豫不决，时时心软的性格，一定会辜负我的勇气，可是还是想制造一个机会。总是令我失望呢。。。

there is still some connection between you and me. there is always a mixed feelings when I saw your name or thought about you. a little sadness, irritated... what an extreme, from love to slightly disguise, and I m hoping in the future, you will be a stranger to me. I don't want every single song that I hear reminds me about you. I don't want to remember anything about you.

I think I am just angry, that you don't have the courage to fight for what you really want (if as you said, I am the partner that you are looking for). I am sick of waiting for you to handle our relationship even its just friendship now. You make me feel like I am less precious compared to others. I am just tired of you being such as coward

there will be no connection between us soon, and I am happily waiting the day to come.

1st of july

It has been an extremely busy day for me, need to multitask for nearly 10 hours, and i need to do a home interview after work. They are my webster pack patient, both in their 90s. They mainly depend on their carer for their daily activities such as cleaning, cooking, showering etc. After the interview, we had a short conversation. I saw the wedding photo on my way out, out of curiousity, i ask whether is that their wedding photos, it was their great grandchildren wedding photo. He started to tell me their wedding day. He said they have been married for 65 years since his 25 years old. He said they have always been best friend and they have a great family together. They said they dont have too much to complain and they are quite happy all the while. I was holding my emotion when I heard he said they have been married for so long and still love each other. I was touched. And I just burst into tears when I heard he said they always have been best friend. My heart wasnt hurting at that time, but the emotion hit me so badly then i cant even control myself. I was really embarassed. I cant even explain nicely the reason i was weeping. I told them that I just broke up with my best friend and thought that i was alright.

I wished that you will ever have the courages to be with me, to go through the obtacles and to face the up and down side of life, and never lost faith in each other.